When I was around 17 I was used as an entertainment by almost 60 year old man with voyeur fetish, along with my girl classmate, a troubled soul that was used by much older men her whole life and for many years her only way of dealing with this was convicing herself she’s into it. I had a brief relationship with her that felt like kind of a duty, in other words, that I should save her. But mostly, I was naive: it was the first time someone wanted me and my first chance to explore the world of intimacy with another woman. You don’t get such chance often in a small town of a conservative country. Sadly, I was only dragged into situation I couldn’t escape. We agreed to have sex and I was extremely excited because it was my first time. However, it was impossible at my place or hers, so she suggested we should do it at her „friend’s” house. That friend turned out to be an almost 60 year old man she had an abusive relationship with. Shockingly, not the first one nor the last. We arrived there and I met him, I was convinced he’s just gonna give us the keys and leave. We went to take a bath, got naked. He tried to go inside, I panicked and started asking why was he still there, she just brushed it off and started saying he’s okay. I didn’t have the guts to run away, I freezed and complied. He not only stayed but decided to both watch and actively participate: tried to kiss me and did other disgusting things. After everything he drove us home. I went inside my house and pretended like nothing happened, not even fully aware that I was a victim of abuse: queer stuff I read about was all about risky sex and fetish and it was the only alternative to heterosexual sex education I knew at that time. I told few of my friends and it was their reaction that made me realize what happened wasn’t right. Older het women blamed it on me and didn’t want to know me anymore. The girl just said that it was my decision to go, eventually I broke with her. Before that even her family had a problem with me, they forbid me from seeing her and entering her house, blamed me for „demoralizing” her daughter. It took me many years to stop fearing people will find out and punish me, because I believed that I was the one to blame and that my sexuality is deviated. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story, I don’t remember doing it ever before.