Exposing Male Violence Against Lesbians

23. Anonymous 13/04/2021

At the time I didn't realize how wrong it was, particularly since he was my boyfriend. I only discovered later in life that I was a lesbian, but sadly I was another victim of compulsory heterosexuality.

In the first years, I thought he was nice and patient (I was his first girlfriend), but he got more confidant and entitled with time. I think talking with his male friends and therapist (and watching porn) made him think he deserved to have more sex from me. The pressure to have sex with him increased over time, he would find ways to persuade me and to make me feel guilty. I really didn't like “P in V”, it hurts, I wanted to find a compromise and do other sex acts instead, but it was not good enough for him.

After a while, he knew I've been questioning my sexuality. I thought I was asexual but he thought I was making excuses. I hated that he would even touch me sexually in public. The worst time was when I told him I was a lesbian and that I was leaving him. It was during holidays so we decided to remain temporally “together” only to not destroy the mood for our family since we were already visiting family members. But one night in the bedroom, he forced fingered me even though I said “no” many times. When it's your boyfriend and you're young, you feel more confused about those stuffs and I thought it was on me for not fighting him more strongly. Today I understand how wrong it was and how it affected me. I wish that no lesbians (or any women) had to go through this.